It's amazing how differently people can think. I met a person that was beyond any eccentricity and social handicap that I have ever directly come across. Well, maybe that's an inaccurate claim but it's close. Here's what happened.
Yesterday, I had a quick 30 minutes to grab dinner before going back to teaching, and I decided to join my parents who were eating with this older single missionary lady. I recognized her face, as I recognize so many faces from my childhood but could never identify with names or even events. Found out she was in England with us when we were living there 18 years ago. Apparently, she seemed to have thought that I was still 7 years old. I couldn't believe what I heard. I didn't know these kinds of people really existed.
Two minutes into the meal, she pointed out the big $10 ring I was wearing on my finger. At first, she simply said that it was a big bling bling, in Korean, of course. She made some comment about realizing how, after seeing my bling bling, there was a feeling of emptiness. First thought, this woman is weird. Second thought, here comes another conversation about my singleness. ugh. But I couldn't correlate the two. How can you assume that my wearing a fatty ring on my right middle finger gives any indication of me not being in a relationship? And singleness equals emptiness, I don't think so. Well, I was wrong about her reference.
Out of nowhere she begins PREACHING to me. THE NERVE. ~you must read the bible every day, if you break it down to reading 10 chapters per day you'll read the bible three times in one year, you need to do that okay? without having God's word in your heart, you'll keep reaching for bling blings to fulfill you and the english language that you use to earn this money is not the same language to speak to God with, you have to ask God to help you to speak in tongues, do you know what speaking in tongues is?~ I nod~ yes, wow, you even know what that is, so do you understand what i mean? ~I just smile politely and slightly nod to indicate that I heard her but I'm sure she's not convinced that I really heard her because she continues~ you must read the bible for about 40 min every day okay? ~ my temperature is rising now, I give her a bigger head BOW rather than a nod, to suggest that I've heard her and I'm done listening, then, rather abruptly, I ask where my dad went, he had just stepped out to get something from the office, I was just trying to change the converation, it didn't work for long~ you have to read the bible everyday or you're going nowhere~ now I'm mad and I don't smile or even acknowledge she's talking to me, I just go right ahead eating my food, reaching for it a bit more aggressively now, I look at my ring and the finger it's on and wish I could flick it at her, and you thought I was an angel, of course, this eggs her on even more, because I'm not getting it, and I'm not answering her directly, just nodding now and then~ that's what i hate the most, she says, when people just nod and don't say anything~ i just laugh a little, minimizing her comment to a joke, not taking her seriously, i know this probably ticks her more, but at this point, that's the intention.
Finally my dad returns and joins in on our conversation. Attempting to save me, and I appreciate what he says, he says that this weekend he learned something new about me as we were moving to my new place...and he explains this to the lady, I know he's trying to change the topic to a more civil and uplifting one rather than her inappropriate shaming. Well, it doesn't work, because she basically downplays what my dad says, by stating that what he said about me does nothing to measures my, uh, what's the word, "goodness", maybe? She mentions a girl who grew up beautifully and bought her parents a home. Clearly, inferring that I had to provide a home for my parents before they can be proud of me. I knew my parents wanted to shut her up the whole time too but obviously they couldn't, I couldn't, so I just got up and said I had to go back to work. I think she felt bad then and said she didn't realize I had to leave so soon. Inside, I just said, well, thank you for the pleasant sermon, I'm glad you had the opportunity to get to know me as a person and I'm glad that I can leave you now. But I just bowed and smiled and left. Man, I was so angry.
The most frustrating part of it all was that I was smiling for most of the time, even as I left, saying nothing. I kept thinking, if I could speak English to this lady, or if we were in a different culture, how would I respond to her? I'm pretty sure I would have had a voice to tell her my opinion. She was obviously quite opinionated in our short 20 minutes, so why couldn't I tell her off? The problem was that my parents were there, they represented SIM, she was much older than I, I'm not fluent enough in Korean to shut her up kindly, etc etc. So I just took it, and left. As I was walking out, I felt horrible because I didn't fight back, but later, I was actually pretty proud of myself for the way I handled it. I didn't yell at her and make a fool of myself or my family. I didn't just sit there completely pretentiously nodding and agreeing to everything she said as if I were a non-person. I clearly showed her in a silent "gracious" way that I was not appreciating her approach toward me, as if I were still a child and presuming I didn't have a growing personal relationship with God. I talked to my mom later that evening and she said that after I left, the lady had realized she came on too strong. She had asked my mom if I was upset enough to never want to see her again. And my mom replied, yes.
In this culture, with my sort of background and status, in front of an older lady firmly set in her ways of life, that was all I could do. But if you ask me, that's still a little warped. There's got to be a better way of handling situations like this. I'm learning.
