In Reading Class today, I explained the word WEIRD to my students. I told them it meant strange or 이상하다. And completely out of context from the word usage in our novel, a bright 2nd grade girl asked me, "Teacher, I know something that's weird." What's that? "Why Koreans have to learn English but Americans don't have to learn Korean." Yes, that is weird but do you know why it's like that? Another girl raised her hand, "Yes, I know, I know, it's because America's best and biggest country so we have to learn language." Well, that can be true in some ways but there are many many many countries that speak English, not just America. And I told them tidbits about colonization and their role in this world. After my short lecture on the importance of learning the language, I had the 2nd grader reiterate what I had said, "Yes, we are learning English because one day when we big and 어른이 될때 we can travel any country and speak English to them." Exactly! Very good, and you can then have the power to be anything you want to become, go anywhere you want to go, and make a difference. "Yes, Teacher, in 2050 Korea will be the best country in the world so we have to know English." Well, I don't know, that is possible but that may be up to each of you to change Korea and share what we have with other countries. Do you think you can you do that? "Yes, yes!"
Two days ago, in my Junior high class, as I was explaining the "No speaking in Korean Rule" one of my students, the one who wants to be an 'international lawyer and help poor people', said, "It's not fair, Teacher. Why do we have to learn English and Americans don't have to learn Korean?" I gave him a similar speech as I did today about this wierd language phenomena. I also empathized by telling him how much I hated learning Korean when I was little when all the other kids were out playing games. I explained that I wished I had learned more so that I can freely communicate with Koreans. If he only knew why and how language was an essential survival tool... He sort of nodded.
I've been thinking about this on and off throughout my time here. Studying is all that Korean kids seem to have time to do. No time for extra-curricular activities and simply enjoying life with friends and family. When they are free, they play computer games, it seems. After school, they attend academies that are subject-specific, most of them seem to go to two or three of them, leaving them pretty much no time to play. And it begins from grade school. Then after 16 plus years of schooling, they seem to have an incredibly difficult time finding a job in the densely populated nation. Something's a bit wrong with the system if you ask me. So many people believe that studying abroad is the key to a successful life so they send kids alone or maybe with a mother overseas, while the rest of the family remains in Korea to be the bread-winner, causing problems in the family system as well. Everyone seems to have a problem with the system here but I don't know how exactly they are attempting to bring about change. It makes me consider my responsibility.
Sometimes I wonder, will these kids grow up despising the English language that was shoved into them in place of times when they could run, jump, and frolick outside with their friends and family, and as a result, become repulsed by people who speak English as their first language and had the privilege of frolicking freely. Bad situation. I wouldn't be surprised if that really happened. If my childhood pleasures were stolen from me because I had to spend all of my time learning a language that was not taught in an inviting way, I would probably grow up with resentment toward that language and those directly affiliated with the language.
I obviously don't have the power to change all the institutions of Korea but I do believe in what my workplace does. I'm fortunate to have ended up teaching where I teach. My boss seems to understand what's really going on in Korea and her vision is beyond the money-making game of English academies in Korea. There is a long way to go before anyone can claim quality in the English education of this country, but I see some hope. English learning is a necessity as worlds are coming together more fluidly so there's got to be more that we can do to equip these kids...will share more later.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Different People
It's amazing how differently people can think. I met a person that was beyond any eccentricity and social handicap that I have ever directly come across. Well, maybe that's an inaccurate claim but it's close. Here's what happened.
Yesterday, I had a quick 30 minutes to grab dinner before going back to teaching, and I decided to join my parents who were eating with this older single missionary lady. I recognized her face, as I recognize so many faces from my childhood but could never identify with names or even events. Found out she was in England with us when we were living there 18 years ago. Apparently, she seemed to have thought that I was still 7 years old. I couldn't believe what I heard. I didn't know these kinds of people really existed.
Two minutes into the meal, she pointed out the big $10 ring I was wearing on my finger. At first, she simply said that it was a big bling bling, in Korean, of course. She made some comment about realizing how, after seeing my bling bling, there was a feeling of emptiness. First thought, this woman is weird. Second thought, here comes another conversation about my singleness. ugh. But I couldn't correlate the two. How can you assume that my wearing a fatty ring on my right middle finger gives any indication of me not being in a relationship? And singleness equals emptiness, I don't think so. Well, I was wrong about her reference.
Out of nowhere she begins PREACHING to me. THE NERVE. ~you must read the bible every day, if you break it down to reading 10 chapters per day you'll read the bible three times in one year, you need to do that okay? without having God's word in your heart, you'll keep reaching for bling blings to fulfill you and the english language that you use to earn this money is not the same language to speak to God with, you have to ask God to help you to speak in tongues, do you know what speaking in tongues is?~ I nod~ yes, wow, you even know what that is, so do you understand what i mean? ~I just smile politely and slightly nod to indicate that I heard her but I'm sure she's not convinced that I really heard her because she continues~ you must read the bible for about 40 min every day okay? ~ my temperature is rising now, I give her a bigger head BOW rather than a nod, to suggest that I've heard her and I'm done listening, then, rather abruptly, I ask where my dad went, he had just stepped out to get something from the office, I was just trying to change the converation, it didn't work for long~ you have to read the bible everyday or you're going nowhere~ now I'm mad and I don't smile or even acknowledge she's talking to me, I just go right ahead eating my food, reaching for it a bit more aggressively now, I look at my ring and the finger it's on and wish I could flick it at her, and you thought I was an angel, of course, this eggs her on even more, because I'm not getting it, and I'm not answering her directly, just nodding now and then~ that's what i hate the most, she says, when people just nod and don't say anything~ i just laugh a little, minimizing her comment to a joke, not taking her seriously, i know this probably ticks her more, but at this point, that's the intention.
Finally my dad returns and joins in on our conversation. Attempting to save me, and I appreciate what he says, he says that this weekend he learned something new about me as we were moving to my new place...and he explains this to the lady, I know he's trying to change the topic to a more civil and uplifting one rather than her inappropriate shaming. Well, it doesn't work, because she basically downplays what my dad says, by stating that what he said about me does nothing to measures my, uh, what's the word, "goodness", maybe? She mentions a girl who grew up beautifully and bought her parents a home. Clearly, inferring that I had to provide a home for my parents before they can be proud of me. I knew my parents wanted to shut her up the whole time too but obviously they couldn't, I couldn't, so I just got up and said I had to go back to work. I think she felt bad then and said she didn't realize I had to leave so soon. Inside, I just said, well, thank you for the pleasant sermon, I'm glad you had the opportunity to get to know me as a person and I'm glad that I can leave you now. But I just bowed and smiled and left. Man, I was so angry.
The most frustrating part of it all was that I was smiling for most of the time, even as I left, saying nothing. I kept thinking, if I could speak English to this lady, or if we were in a different culture, how would I respond to her? I'm pretty sure I would have had a voice to tell her my opinion. She was obviously quite opinionated in our short 20 minutes, so why couldn't I tell her off? The problem was that my parents were there, they represented SIM, she was much older than I, I'm not fluent enough in Korean to shut her up kindly, etc etc. So I just took it, and left. As I was walking out, I felt horrible because I didn't fight back, but later, I was actually pretty proud of myself for the way I handled it. I didn't yell at her and make a fool of myself or my family. I didn't just sit there completely pretentiously nodding and agreeing to everything she said as if I were a non-person. I clearly showed her in a silent "gracious" way that I was not appreciating her approach toward me, as if I were still a child and presuming I didn't have a growing personal relationship with God. I talked to my mom later that evening and she said that after I left, the lady had realized she came on too strong. She had asked my mom if I was upset enough to never want to see her again. And my mom replied, yes.
In this culture, with my sort of background and status, in front of an older lady firmly set in her ways of life, that was all I could do. But if you ask me, that's still a little warped. There's got to be a better way of handling situations like this. I'm learning.
Yesterday, I had a quick 30 minutes to grab dinner before going back to teaching, and I decided to join my parents who were eating with this older single missionary lady. I recognized her face, as I recognize so many faces from my childhood but could never identify with names or even events. Found out she was in England with us when we were living there 18 years ago. Apparently, she seemed to have thought that I was still 7 years old. I couldn't believe what I heard. I didn't know these kinds of people really existed.
Two minutes into the meal, she pointed out the big $10 ring I was wearing on my finger. At first, she simply said that it was a big bling bling, in Korean, of course. She made some comment about realizing how, after seeing my bling bling, there was a feeling of emptiness. First thought, this woman is weird. Second thought, here comes another conversation about my singleness. ugh. But I couldn't correlate the two. How can you assume that my wearing a fatty ring on my right middle finger gives any indication of me not being in a relationship? And singleness equals emptiness, I don't think so. Well, I was wrong about her reference.
Out of nowhere she begins PREACHING to me. THE NERVE. ~you must read the bible every day, if you break it down to reading 10 chapters per day you'll read the bible three times in one year, you need to do that okay? without having God's word in your heart, you'll keep reaching for bling blings to fulfill you and the english language that you use to earn this money is not the same language to speak to God with, you have to ask God to help you to speak in tongues, do you know what speaking in tongues is?~ I nod~ yes, wow, you even know what that is, so do you understand what i mean? ~I just smile politely and slightly nod to indicate that I heard her but I'm sure she's not convinced that I really heard her because she continues~ you must read the bible for about 40 min every day okay? ~ my temperature is rising now, I give her a bigger head BOW rather than a nod, to suggest that I've heard her and I'm done listening, then, rather abruptly, I ask where my dad went, he had just stepped out to get something from the office, I was just trying to change the converation, it didn't work for long~ you have to read the bible everyday or you're going nowhere~ now I'm mad and I don't smile or even acknowledge she's talking to me, I just go right ahead eating my food, reaching for it a bit more aggressively now, I look at my ring and the finger it's on and wish I could flick it at her, and you thought I was an angel, of course, this eggs her on even more, because I'm not getting it, and I'm not answering her directly, just nodding now and then~ that's what i hate the most, she says, when people just nod and don't say anything~ i just laugh a little, minimizing her comment to a joke, not taking her seriously, i know this probably ticks her more, but at this point, that's the intention.
Finally my dad returns and joins in on our conversation. Attempting to save me, and I appreciate what he says, he says that this weekend he learned something new about me as we were moving to my new place...and he explains this to the lady, I know he's trying to change the topic to a more civil and uplifting one rather than her inappropriate shaming. Well, it doesn't work, because she basically downplays what my dad says, by stating that what he said about me does nothing to measures my, uh, what's the word, "goodness", maybe? She mentions a girl who grew up beautifully and bought her parents a home. Clearly, inferring that I had to provide a home for my parents before they can be proud of me. I knew my parents wanted to shut her up the whole time too but obviously they couldn't, I couldn't, so I just got up and said I had to go back to work. I think she felt bad then and said she didn't realize I had to leave so soon. Inside, I just said, well, thank you for the pleasant sermon, I'm glad you had the opportunity to get to know me as a person and I'm glad that I can leave you now. But I just bowed and smiled and left. Man, I was so angry.
The most frustrating part of it all was that I was smiling for most of the time, even as I left, saying nothing. I kept thinking, if I could speak English to this lady, or if we were in a different culture, how would I respond to her? I'm pretty sure I would have had a voice to tell her my opinion. She was obviously quite opinionated in our short 20 minutes, so why couldn't I tell her off? The problem was that my parents were there, they represented SIM, she was much older than I, I'm not fluent enough in Korean to shut her up kindly, etc etc. So I just took it, and left. As I was walking out, I felt horrible because I didn't fight back, but later, I was actually pretty proud of myself for the way I handled it. I didn't yell at her and make a fool of myself or my family. I didn't just sit there completely pretentiously nodding and agreeing to everything she said as if I were a non-person. I clearly showed her in a silent "gracious" way that I was not appreciating her approach toward me, as if I were still a child and presuming I didn't have a growing personal relationship with God. I talked to my mom later that evening and she said that after I left, the lady had realized she came on too strong. She had asked my mom if I was upset enough to never want to see her again. And my mom replied, yes.
In this culture, with my sort of background and status, in front of an older lady firmly set in her ways of life, that was all I could do. But if you ask me, that's still a little warped. There's got to be a better way of handling situations like this. I'm learning.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
A list RE: my life this February.
1. I think I'm reliving my childhood by reading these children's books; literature I never had the capacity to read when I was little. There's a reason why I'm teaching English through lit now, receiving what I missed out on years ago. I love it.
2. My new place is teeny but it's a cozy one. It's been no more than 3 nights, and I feel quite at home. I may have found the secret to feeling at home wherever I live.
3. I have a new TV. A new addiction. Uh-oh.
4. Discipline has been on my mind lately.
5. I was forgetting about men and testosterone until I saw Tom Cruise on TV yesterday. Sssszzzz.
6. I need to think up a sly comment to shut up people who ask me my age and relationship status. I'm halfway to thirty and thriving and SINGLE and there's nothing wrong with me. !!!. The candidness of Korean culture.
7. Thinking about whether or not to have that phone interview with George Fox University. I still may have a foot into clinical psychology. Problem is, I can't really see myself listening to people's dung for the rest of my life. Life goes through phases though.
8. Trying to get into Korean music but I'm not really feeling it. I hate mimics and a lot of what I've heard is bad Korean hiphop/soul/R&B/ballads. I'm hoping to discover something more original and true to modern KOREA, not an imitation of a segment of modern America IN Korea.
9. Thinking about ART and FAITH, its integration. Reading Kandinsky and L'Engle...
10. Saving money. As much as they preach to me about money, reality is, you need it to pursue your dreams that have nothing to do with money. So I chug along, work work work, for now.
2. My new place is teeny but it's a cozy one. It's been no more than 3 nights, and I feel quite at home. I may have found the secret to feeling at home wherever I live.
3. I have a new TV. A new addiction. Uh-oh.
4. Discipline has been on my mind lately.
5. I was forgetting about men and testosterone until I saw Tom Cruise on TV yesterday. Sssszzzz.
6. I need to think up a sly comment to shut up people who ask me my age and relationship status. I'm halfway to thirty and thriving and SINGLE and there's nothing wrong with me. !!!. The candidness of Korean culture.
7. Thinking about whether or not to have that phone interview with George Fox University. I still may have a foot into clinical psychology. Problem is, I can't really see myself listening to people's dung for the rest of my life. Life goes through phases though.
8. Trying to get into Korean music but I'm not really feeling it. I hate mimics and a lot of what I've heard is bad Korean hiphop/soul/R&B/ballads. I'm hoping to discover something more original and true to modern KOREA, not an imitation of a segment of modern America IN Korea.
9. Thinking about ART and FAITH, its integration. Reading Kandinsky and L'Engle...
10. Saving money. As much as they preach to me about money, reality is, you need it to pursue your dreams that have nothing to do with money. So I chug along, work work work, for now.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Moving Again,
I had a dream last night that I flew back to California over night and showed up at my friends' house. Nobody knew I would do that. And then I was ready to take a picture of all of us together to post on here, to surpirse everyone of my move~ and I woke up.
What's gotten into me?
Well, nevermind the dream, I couldn't do such a spontaneous thing even if I wanted to because there is this US immigration law that I think really stinks. My plan for this summer was to visit the US to be in one of my best friend's wedding and despite all the financial risks that would come with such a trip, I was going to make it happen. But I recently found out that it is very unlikely for me to get a visitor's visa. Reason being, I don't have any points going for me to indicate that I would return to my homeland, Korea, when my visit is over. I guess too many Koreans have misused this "privilege" of going to America on a visitor's visa by overstaying their stay and hiding as "illegal aliens."
So these are the points I would need in order to show INS that I am legit for visiting. All of which, I do not have. I need to be married, committed to someone here so I will return. I need to have legal documentation that shows my history of employment, a minimum of three years, to show that I have a steady job in Korea, to which I would return. I need to be the daughter of an LG or Samsung CEO so that I am loaded with assets for which I would return. I need to buy a house to which I would return. I need to be enrolled in a school here in Korea, but that's unlikely at this point. I think you get the idea. I have nothing for me to show that I would return to this country. AND, if I get rejected once, I would be turned down over and over again for the next seven years. Hm.
That's a dissapointment in the arse but what can you do? Nothing at this point, I don't have the power to change these circumstances.
Despite the typical unstable mid-20's life that I seem to treading, I am beginning to absorb it. Accepting certain things in life is one thing I've struggled with these past couple years. But I'm applying some lessons now.
I'm moving again, to a place half the size of my apt now. This will save me lots of money but to MOVE again?
Last year, I was hoping to settle down in one place because I thought I needed stability, after years and years of moving from one place to another, one country to another, I was tired of shifting relationships. But for some reason, I was given such a life and for some reason it's still the type of life I can't seem to control. Not yet time for me to stay put in one geographical place. I ended up here. And now I move again, and of course, it's no big deal because I'm still at the same job, church, and near my family. So that makes it easier. But I think maybe this simple move is allowing me to go a step deeper in accepting my life as a nomad. At least for this stage of life. Someday I may have my own house, my own family, and a solid thriving career, but not yet. And I accept. That's pretty freeing to say.
I haven't packed or anything yet and I move in 4 days. Good thing is, I don't have to do organized packing and/or storing like I would if I were moving to another land. There's no need to feel overwhelmed and ball when I can't zip up a suitcase. This time I can just dump everything in open boxes and transport them in my dad's car and have my dad help me move. At least I have some of my family near.
Will post pictures of my place before I pack as well as my new home...later.
What's gotten into me?
Well, nevermind the dream, I couldn't do such a spontaneous thing even if I wanted to because there is this US immigration law that I think really stinks. My plan for this summer was to visit the US to be in one of my best friend's wedding and despite all the financial risks that would come with such a trip, I was going to make it happen. But I recently found out that it is very unlikely for me to get a visitor's visa. Reason being, I don't have any points going for me to indicate that I would return to my homeland, Korea, when my visit is over. I guess too many Koreans have misused this "privilege" of going to America on a visitor's visa by overstaying their stay and hiding as "illegal aliens."
So these are the points I would need in order to show INS that I am legit for visiting. All of which, I do not have. I need to be married, committed to someone here so I will return. I need to have legal documentation that shows my history of employment, a minimum of three years, to show that I have a steady job in Korea, to which I would return. I need to be the daughter of an LG or Samsung CEO so that I am loaded with assets for which I would return. I need to buy a house to which I would return. I need to be enrolled in a school here in Korea, but that's unlikely at this point. I think you get the idea. I have nothing for me to show that I would return to this country. AND, if I get rejected once, I would be turned down over and over again for the next seven years. Hm.
That's a dissapointment in the arse but what can you do? Nothing at this point, I don't have the power to change these circumstances.
Despite the typical unstable mid-20's life that I seem to treading, I am beginning to absorb it. Accepting certain things in life is one thing I've struggled with these past couple years. But I'm applying some lessons now.
I'm moving again, to a place half the size of my apt now. This will save me lots of money but to MOVE again?
Last year, I was hoping to settle down in one place because I thought I needed stability, after years and years of moving from one place to another, one country to another, I was tired of shifting relationships. But for some reason, I was given such a life and for some reason it's still the type of life I can't seem to control. Not yet time for me to stay put in one geographical place. I ended up here. And now I move again, and of course, it's no big deal because I'm still at the same job, church, and near my family. So that makes it easier. But I think maybe this simple move is allowing me to go a step deeper in accepting my life as a nomad. At least for this stage of life. Someday I may have my own house, my own family, and a solid thriving career, but not yet. And I accept. That's pretty freeing to say.
I haven't packed or anything yet and I move in 4 days. Good thing is, I don't have to do organized packing and/or storing like I would if I were moving to another land. There's no need to feel overwhelmed and ball when I can't zip up a suitcase. This time I can just dump everything in open boxes and transport them in my dad's car and have my dad help me move. At least I have some of my family near.
Will post pictures of my place before I pack as well as my new home...later.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
It's already February
Okay, it's been a really long while. I guess I don't have too much to say these days. I don't really feel like explaining some of the happenings of the past couple months because it's mostly internal swishing that I'd rather keep to myself. One of these days I'll be ready to say it like it is but for now, I like to store things safely.
But here are some measurable occurances in the past several weeks, ones I want to share with you:
1. thinking, planning, and acting out the path of an artist.
2. trying to knead some of my numbness so i can rise.
3. painting, painting, painting
4. teaching, loving, and yes, hiding. paradoxes, "you gotta love em"
5. one day, I'll keep you posted on the best decision of my life...once some fruit comes of it, for now, I'm learning to appreciate mystery. I hope you can too.
Yeah, this was a wierd one. Don't worry, I'll write more blogs that are down to earth.
But here are some measurable occurances in the past several weeks, ones I want to share with you:
1. thinking, planning, and acting out the path of an artist.
2. trying to knead some of my numbness so i can rise.
3. painting, painting, painting
4. teaching, loving, and yes, hiding. paradoxes, "you gotta love em"
5. one day, I'll keep you posted on the best decision of my life...once some fruit comes of it, for now, I'm learning to appreciate mystery. I hope you can too.
Yeah, this was a wierd one. Don't worry, I'll write more blogs that are down to earth.
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